I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
