I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
