There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
