when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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