My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
