omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
