I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
