so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My vagina is officially offended.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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