I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
