his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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