mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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