Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
