I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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