It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
