i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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