just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
