Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize