you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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