**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
