she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
