I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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