my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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