you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
