I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
