Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
