They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
