there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
