Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
