I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
