I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
