It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
