I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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