remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
