Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
