who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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