I hate all girls vehemently.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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