New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
