hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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