I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
