just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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