i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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