Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
