Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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