I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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