tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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