Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
