thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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