She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
