I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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