Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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