just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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