Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
