Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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