if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
