i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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