Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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