Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
