home. puking in laundry basket.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
