I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
