He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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