The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
