i need an iv and a liver transplant
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
