um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone came in the potted fern
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
