Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
