Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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