Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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