Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
