Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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