The maid of honor just puked.
she looked like the before picture.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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