why didn't you poke me back
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize