ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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