The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
