I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
